In case you missed it, this month’s Vanity Fair features an impressively bleak and depressing article, with a title worth a thousand Internet clicks: “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse.” Written by Nancy Jo Sales, it’s a salty, f-bomb-laden, desolate look at The Lives of Young People These Days. Traditional dating, the article suggests, has largely dissolved; young women, meanwhile, are the hardest hit.
Tinder, in case you’re not on it right now, is a “dating” app that allows users to find interested singles nearby. If you like the looks of someone, you can swipe right; if you don’t, you swipe left. “Dating” sometimes happens, but it’s often a stretch: Many people, human nature being what it is, use apps like Tinder — and Happn, Hinge, and WhatevR, Nothing MattRs (OK, I made that last one up) — for one-time, no-strings-attached hookups. It’s just like ordering online food, one investment banker says, “but you’re ordering a person.” Delightful! Here’s to the lucky lady who meets up with that enterprising chap.
“In February, one study reported there were nearly 100 million people — perhaps 50 million on Tinder alone — using their phones as a sort of all-day, every-day, handheld singles club,” Sales writes, “where they might find a sex partner as easily as they’d find a cheap flight to Florida.”
The article goes on to detail a barrage of pleased young men, bragging about their “easy,” “hit it and quit it” conquests. The women, meanwhile, express nothing but angst, detailing an army of dudes who are rude, dysfunctional, disinterested, and, to add insult to injury, often worthless in the sack.
The piece has inspired numerous heated reactions and varying levels of hilarity, most notably from Tinder itself. Recently, Tinder’s Twitter account — social media layered on top of social media, which is never, ever pretty — freaked out, issuing a series of 30 defensive and grandiose statements.
“If you want to try to tear us down with one-sided journalism, well, that’s your prerogative,” said one. “The Tinder generation is real,” insisted another.
In an excerpt from his book “Modern Romance,” comedian Aziz Ansari was among those who defended Tinder: When you look at the big picture, he writes, it “isn’t so different from what our grandparents did.”
So, which is it? Are we riding to heck in a smartphone-laden, relationship-killing hand basket? Or is everything the same as it ever was? The truth, I would guess, is somewhere down the middle. Certainly, functional relationships still exist; on the flip side, the hookup culture is clearly real, and it’s not doing women any favors. Here’s the weird thing: Most modern feminists will never, ever admit that last part, even though it would genuinely help women to do so.
If a woman publicly expresses any discomfort about the hookup culture, a young woman named Amanda tells Vanity Fair, “it’s like you’re weak, you’re not independent, you somehow missed the whole memo about third-wave feminism.” That memo has been well articulated over the years, from 1970s feminist trailblazers to today. It comes down to the following thesis: Sex is meaningless, and there is no difference between women and men.
This is absurd, of course, on a biological level alone — and yet, somehow, it gets a lot of takers. Hanna Rosin, author of “The End of Men,” once wrote that “the hookup culture is … bound up with everything that’s fabulous about being a young woman in 2012 — the freedom, the confidence.” Meanwhile, feminist writer Amanda Marcotte called the Vanity Fair article “sex-negative gibberish,” “sexual fear-mongering,” and “paternalistic.” Why? Because it suggested that men and women were different, and that rampant, casual sex might not be the best idea.
Here’s the key question: Why were the women in the article continuing to go back to Tinder, even when they admitted they got literally nothing — not even physical satisfaction — out of it? What were they looking for? Why were they hanging out with jerks? “For young women the problem in navigating sexuality and relationships is still gender inequality,” Elizabeth Armstrong, a University of Michigan sociology professor, told Sales. “There is still a pervasive double standard. We need to puzzle out why women have made more strides in the public arena than in the private arena.”
Well, we could puzzle it out, but I have one theory: This isn’t about “gender inequality” at all, but the fact that many young women, by and large, have been sold a bill of goods by modern “feminists” — a group that ultimately, with their reams of bad, bad advice, might not be very feminist at all.
Heather Wilhelm is a writer based in Austin, Texas. She wrote this for The Dallas Morning News.
Let’s get Hanna’s motivations clear right from the get-go, shall we? Hanna Rosin is not interested in equality. She is interested in dominance. Female dominance. Nothing more, and nothing less. From the author’s own website:
I come from a long line of matriarchs, women who either ruled over their husbands, or ran away from them. My mother is an intimidating figure. She has always served as the neighborhood watchdog, taking on bullies and running the co-op board with an iron fist. If you met her, it would be obvious why I was open to possibility of female dominance, because she embodied it long before it became the defining trend of our era.
Hanna acknowledges that female dominance is a central part of her understanding of how the world works, and that female dominance has become the defining trend of our era. Well, kudos to Hanna for at least being honest.
Hanna has been on a crusade to prove female dominance for some time now. In her original article, published at the Atlantic, she mused that “[f]or years, women’s progress has been cast as a struggle for equality. But what if equality isn’t the end point? What if modern, postindustrial society is simply better suited to women?”.
What if female dominance is inevitable?
Her recent article at Time Magazine lays out five reasons men are slated to be the oppressed sex – five ways in which men are complete and utter failures:
Men are failing in the workplace
The traditional household is vanishing
Men are increasingly subjected to violence from female partners
Working and middle-class fathers have become non-existent
Men have become feminized
Let’s take these one by one.
Men are failing in the workplace?
And what workplace would that be? The one that keeps our infrastructure up and running?
Statistically speaking, 100% of power plant operators, distributors and dispatchers are men.
91% of the nation’s electrical engineers are men.
97.6% of electrical power line installers and maintenance workers are men.
95.5% of water and liquid waste treatment plant and system operators are men.
95.9% of aircraft pilots and flight engineers are men.
98.4% of aircraft mechanics and service technicians are men.
91.9% of computer network architects, who design and implement all our computer based communications systems are men.
94.2% of radio and telecommunications equipment installers and repair technicians are men.
93.4% of garbage collectors are men.
78.2% of all workers in production, transportation and material moving occupations are men
82.4% of all industrial production managers are men
97.5% of all extraction workers, providing the raw materials to run our economy are men
Transportation, energy, communications, water treatment, resource extraction and waste management. Those are the things that provide us with a little something called civilization as we know it, and they are overwhelmingly provided by men.
While it is true that the manufacturing sector has taken a hit in recent years, the United States remains the world’s largest manufacturer, with a 2009 industrial output of $2.33 trillion. Its manufacturing output is greater than Germany, France, India and Brazil combined.
70% of that total workforce is male.
Primary metals manufacturing? 85.6% men.
Apparel manufacturing? 68.3% women.
So ladies in manufacturing are basically just sewing clothes?
How shocking! How surprising! How very housewifely!
What are the ladies doing in the workforce anyways? Most common job categories for women in 2010?
Secretaries (96.8% women)
Nurses (92% women)
Primary and elementary school teachers (81.9% women)
Cashiers (74.4% women)
Nursing aides (88.5% women)
Retail sales (51.9% women)
Retail sales managers (44.1% women)
Waitresses (71.6% women)
Maids (89.9% women)
Oh ladies. Thunderous applause. Doing all the same work in the paid market that you used to do at home. Progress!
Well, maybe the future will be different!
The top ten industries by annual average employment growth between 2Q09 and 2Q13:
Support Activities for Mining
Educational Support Services
Technical and Trades Schools
Oil and Gas Extraction
Computer Systems Design
Management and Technical Consulting Services
Other Schools and Instruction
Ambulatory Healthcare Services
Educational support services? Maybe. Ambulatory healthcare and employment services? Okay. Sure. Women will dominate! But IT? Computer systems design? Mining support? Oil and gas extraction?
Hanna Rosin, you are full of shit. Women aren’t excelling in the workplace. They are doing all the same housewifely jobs they’ve always done.
The traditional household is failing?
Gee, I wonder why? Women are out in the workforce doing their housewife gig, neglecting their children and partners and are deeply, deeply unhappy as a result.
They file most divorce proceedings, have more mental health problems and express greater dissatisfaction with their lives.
But let’s blame men for that, shall we, Hanna? What women need is to be more dominant. To rule with an iron fist. Oh, except that women in traditional marriages are much happier.
Men are increasingly subject to violence from female partners?
It’s just sickening that Hanna sees this as a good thing. There is no question that it’s true, but how on earth can it ever be a net positive? Hanna links violence to women’s sexual confidence, which is deeply disturbing in and of itself.
Women are becoming more sexually confident, and something Camille Paglia has been waiting for, more aggressive and violent in both good ways and bad.
What Hanna is not taking into account is that women get away with hitting partners because the men are taking it. For now. How long does she expect that state of affairs to last?
Suzanne Venker puts it nicely:
It is a dangerous thing to create a society of angry men. Feminists have no idea what a can of worms they’ve created — and what it’s about to do to our nation.
Working and middle class fathers are becoming non-existent?
Again, it’s just sickening that Hanna thinks millions of children being raised without fathers is proof that women are dominant and men are obsolete. Children raised by single mothers do poorly on every imaginable scale. They have more emotional problems, experience more stress, are more likely to grow up poor, they have lower educational achievements and experience way more behavioral problems than children who grow up with married parents. Depression, suicide, drug abuse, jail and psychiatric medications are all more common in populations of children raised by single mothers.
The absence of fathers from the home is proof that women are stupid, heartless and profoundly unconcerned with their children’s well-being. If that’s dominance, I’ll pass, thanks.
Men are becoming feminized?
64% of men do not wear any fragrance of any kind. Only 23% of men wear cologne daily. And cologne is hardly some arty-farty invention of middle class ladies.
80% of household spending is controlled by women. That 20% leftover is being used by men to “feminize” themselves? Bullshit.
Top Ten Things Women Enjoy Buying:
Little black dress
Top Ten Things Men Enjoy Buying:
Televisions and A/V equipment
Dates and relationships
It’s interesting that the lady list has only two things that could ostensibly be shared with a partner (concert tickets, chocolates), while the men’s list contains almost ALL shareable items. The preference for gambling, cars and sports doesn’t suggest the sissification of men to me.
Keep dreaming, Hanna. Men are becoming the gentle kittens you would like them to be? Don’t be fooled. Just because men can be and are very often gentle, kind and giving to women doesn’t mean they will always be that way.
Here’s an idea for you: let’s claim that men are obsolete and worthless, like a map of a flat earth or a woolly mammoth snare, completely ignore the fact that they run the entire economy and make possible every service industry by doing the hard, shitty work, slap the shit out of them at home, take their children from them and then call them sissies.
How long do you think it will take before you discover that men are not only far from obsolete, they are faster, bigger, smarter and stronger than you?
How long will it take before they decide they have had quite enough of your shit?
How long, Hanna, can you live without water, power, communications, transportation or sewage treatment?
I don’t think so.
Obviously people want social calm, but if you do not let clever and ingenious people participate, there must be some dormant volcano that will erupt, sooner or later.
Hanna and her ilk think the revolution will be the triumph of feminism and the utter domination of women.
I wouldn’t count on it.
Not for one second.
Lots of love,